Sunday, 18 December 2011

284 days


It’s no secret that for the last 284 days I have been feeling quite low.   There have been ups and downs, but since the day R was born I have generally felt odd... as if I switched off during the traumatic part of his delivery and never fully switched on.

Today is the first time that my emotions have felt balanced.  Today I have been relaxed and HAPPY.  Truly happy, as if light was shining out of my eyes!  With an emotional burden lifted, I feel physically lighter. 

But why, I wonder?  Since C + H’s not-so-great birthday, I have tried to ensure they had a relaxed few days, and it has soothed us all.  Baby and I slept in for a couple of hours longer than usual today too, while Tom made breakfast for the boys.  I don’t quite believe that some chill out time and some extra sleep could have been the answer to 40 weeks of confused sadness, but perhaps it tipped the scales?  I wonder if I will flow backwards and forwards a little more until I truly regain my balance in life.   

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