Gently Parenting Twins... and More

Infinite-resource-and-sagacity

2012-03-10T13:49:00.000Z

I have been pondering for some time over the words that I wish to say about Syenna. Yesterday was her birthday and, typically, she decided that she wanted to do something that would make the boys happy. Don't read into that thinking that she is a wet blanket and couldn't care less - quite the opposite in fact. You see, ever since way back when she decided she wanted to have children, she has put everything into it. It started with copious amounts of research, and research, and reading and thought and consideration and love (already!) and research. Unfortunately, things did not go well to start with but, being of infinite-resource-and-sagacity, she continued with the research and thought and consideration and love.
Then, after what must have felt like a lifetime of waiting, she was pregnant again - armed with encyclopaedic knowledge. Arriving for our first scan at a mere 6 weeks, we found out that twins were growing inside her and immediately she was able to discuss with the consultant her concerns over TTTS (how did she already know about this? I say infinite-resource-and-sagacity). Of course she did absolutely everything to maximise their chances of good health, including bed rest, excellent diet, more research, etc. In fact, this had started about a year before with an immaculate diet, yoga, etc, etc...

She really must have infinite-resource-and-sagacity!

Nobody else could have managed this so well

And it hasn't stopped. I want to go on with the details, but I will run out of time and you will run out of screen! Just the other week, we found that life was getting us down a bit, all very hard work with the three children to look after. So she decided to start walking with them and, of course being of infinite-resource-and-sagacity, took them on a 3 and a half mile hike! I have been walking with Charlie and Hugo hundreds of times, and have never covered that distance, especially not up hills and over rough terrain! And she was carrying a nearly-one-year-old the whole way.

But perhaps I should not be quoting Rudyard Kipling, perhaps I need to be more specific. I once pondered over the question - 'if you have two children, does that mean that there is only potential to love each one half as much as if you had one child?' Not Syenna. Because she has not only infinite-resource-and-sagacity, but infinite love too. For each of her children, and for me. And I wont forget that last bit either, because there is nothing in the world like being loved by Syenna!

Tomorrow, I'll clean the house

2012-03-04T09:56:00.000Z

Tomorrow comes and goes, and each day I seem to renew my broken promise. I really need to sort out the house tomorrow and finally finish putting everything away after our big reorganisation. It has been at the top of my list of things to do for weeks, and it's quite a long list too.

I have been distracted though; pulled away from the confines and burden of housework and out into the expanse of countryside near our home. We have been walking a lot, exploring the area, breathing in the fresh air, soaring in the wind, opening our eyes and our hearts as the world awakens to spring.

I feel brilliant, and the whole family has their sparkle back. The housework can wait!

It was SO warm that day, and we discovered a fantastic folly at the other end of this field.

This is the top of the hill behind our house, and the 3 hour circular stroll is bound to become a favourite walk this year.

Impromptu short hair cuts, after the boys started the job with a razor they found (ooops!)

So windy at the top of this hill, we felt as if we were flying

Little castle folly, complete with furniture and fireplace. Lots of fun playing here.

Spring wouldn't be the same without muddy puddles

Rolling down the hill

Happy again!

I am feeling happy again. The numbness of the last year has been fading over the last couple of months, on and off. I can't tell you how relieved I am that I have let this naturally play its course, and managed to be patient and trusting. It's amazing how sensitive the body and mind can be and I still find it surprising how much Rupert's birth affected me. We are coming to the end of his first year with us, which seems like a lovely opportunity to mark his journey (and mine). We have lots more fun activities planned for this month, but I know that even the 'normal' days are going to be fine now. Just fine... sometimes brilliant, sometimes tough, but good enough.

2012-03-03T15:50:00.000Z

Corr blimey guv, as they presumably say in Saaf Landan, they do do grow quickly, don't they? I mean, just the other day Rupert was a relatively stationary baby. If we put him down, he would mostly rock back and forth on his knees. Actually, he was put down so infrequently that I thought he may be walking before he learns how to crawl. He loved watching what everybody was doing and generally ordering people around. He had his favourite toys, mainly anything that slotted into one another, and if H or C were a little too 'in his face', you generally has to hold him back to stop him launching himself at them.

Don't get too close!

Now, he still has those traits of careful construction and assertive wilfulness, but he's all growing up. He's fast across the floor and although careful, he's becoming confident on two feet. And with it, he's noticing the world around him more. Just like his brothers he loves tractors, and wheels. Where does this obsession come from? All three of them have been completely nuts about wheels and I am sure that Syenna and I have done nothing to encourage this. Nothing to discourage it either, it's great to have interests!

A wheel obsession!

He's considerate too; if Syenna or I mention that we are enjoying eating something, he will pick some up and feed it to us! Also, if he sees something that he thinks belongs to one of us and somebody else is using it, he will demand it and then hand it to its rightful owner. And he loves blankets laid out flat. If we make the bed, he is on there rolling around with the cutest laugh. He does the same if we lay any sheet or blanket out flat, I'm not sure if it is a cheeky joke - messing up the neatness, or just pure innocent joy. It's great to watch either way!

He liked the grass in the garden too.

Yesterday, he pointed out the moon to me (another fascination inherited from his brothers?) and he LOVES our chickens. He calls for them through the window and they come to see him (expecting food). He just can't get enough!

The idea of three boys, running around, fighting (!) and generally creating mayhem is exciting, although still a little daunting. I'm looking forward to it in many ways, but there really is no hurry.

Egg Hunt

2012-02-19T15:35:00.000Z

Our chickens think it's Easter already - they have been hiding eggs all over the garden for us to hunt. My mum has suggested leaving an empty egg shell in their nest box, to encourage them to lay there. Father in law has suggested making the hens a nest with some straw in amongst the bushes, so that they might lay somewhere accessible. We were getting 2 eggs a day, but have only found 2 eggs this week by searching the bushes. We'll have to keep an eye on those hens!

I'm really pleased to have a little something I wrote posted over at 'little green blog'. As January faded away and our family had all had enough of being indoors I made it my aim to take the children for a walk every day this month. It started well, but the walk has sometimes been substituted with general time outdoors. I think we may need to work up to a daily walk again... we just don't have the energy or enthusiasm! However, a regular stroll was such a great part of our spring/summer/autumn rhythm so we will get back to it!

We usually go for a Sunday morning family walk but after a busy couple of days with my parents, we had a lazy morning playing indoors. After lunch Tom and C continued digging a pit for the trampoline, while H and I have been crafting fishy picture frames for the newly painted bathroom. R has just fallen asleep here in the sling so I may take this chance to do some baking with the boys, if we can just find an egg....

Stability

2012-02-18T10:44:00.000Z

When, back at university, Syenna and Idecided that having a family was the life for us, we thought only about whenwould be the best point in our lives to try and do this. This left us with a choice:

1. Start as soon as we finish university

2. Have a career (each) first

Now, most people seem to choose number2. It's the sensible option. There is the chance to secure yourself in ajob, buy a house and earn a reasonable income. This means that you might be able to afford private education, fantasticholidays and millions of other opportunities for your young family.

However, we considered that parenting maybe hard work, and so best tackled when you are younger and fresher. Plus, from looking at internet forums and fromresearch elsewhere, we saw how difficult it could be to actually have children,and a race against the (biological) clock seemed a stressful way to start afamily.

So, we chose number 1. Syenna chose it because it gave us the bestchance of actually having a family, and also gave our (potential) children thebest chance of a healthy life (chromosomal disorders and the like being moreprobable as the parents age). I chose itmainly because number 2 was the sensible option.

It wasn't the smoothest path to starting ourparenting journey, but we're here and I have no doubts that we chosecorrectly. We are exhausted all of thetime, but probably less so than we would be if we tried the same in 15 years. We have never had the chance to get used tohoards of disposable income and so get caught up with buying the latest gadgets,going on holiday or whatever people do with it. And, we still have the option of having more children, now or when H,C and R are a bit older (although difficult to imagine coping with any more children at present!)

current house

first house

second house

But just as H&C always opt for a'mixture' when eating cereal, I can't help but wonder what it would be like ifwe had the pros of both choices. Astable career, a house and a family. At work, mycontract runs out in October of this year and although I may be able to stayon, nothing is guaranteed. And so, Ihave been looking around at other jobs, and houses near to those. It would mean living in our 4th house sinceH&C were born but I would be able to continue my career, which is probablythe least stressful path. If I didn'thave children, I would be raring to go; anything to climb that ladder! But now, I have a different perspective. I just want to settle down and embed myselfsomewhere. I want to feel as if I belong, and give our children the chance to feel like that too.

Love Love Love

2012-02-14T13:45:00.000Z

Sometimes I spend too much time dreaming of wonderful times ahead, of new beginnings, of things I'd like to change, positive steps and strengthening bonds. Today, I am dreaming of all the happy times we have spent together as a couple and as a family. Memories of the past, forever etched into our souls. There has been so much good. So much love. So much to be proud of. We are sometimes guilty of forgetting that our journey, with all its twists and turns, has actually been magnificent.

Re-organising the house

2012-02-14T09:32:00.001Z

Season table / windowsill

I have wanted to set up a seasonal nature table for ages. I've seen the idea in books and on other inspirational blogs, and bemoaned the fact that I couldn't find the space in the house (or motivation to do something about it). Pretty stones, flowers, shells, nuts and so on are often played with or displayed around the home, but I love the concept of an area set aside as our 'alter' to nature.

bird's nest craft

Over the last couple of weeks we have been on a mission to create more space in the house, through de-cluttering and reorganising. We still have a long way to go but finally I have found a windowsill free to display our seasonal treasures!

We collected some budding twigs from the trees beside our garden, a crocus and some bright daffodils. A few daffodils came out around the village before all the snow fell, but look a little droopy now! These ones here were an early Valentine's gift :)

I had also made this little nest from things around the garden, now sitting on the sill waiting for some little eggs as the weather warms. I'm thinking of making some out of clay, but H is thinking chocolate! Speaking of eggs, the chickens have been laying for a couple of weeks now. Delicious fresh eggs.

The bedroom has also had a complete re-jig, since H and C (and Daddy) now sleep in another room. I had written before about the baby trying to wake his brothers at night, so we all decided to give separate rooms a trial. 'My' room is now bedroom, study, and art area. It's a bit of a squash, but I had really wanted to create some space for craft activities. We used our old student desk as the new art table, and found a lovely vintage teacher's desk in a local antique/bric-a-brac shop for the PC.

I'm so pleased with the craft area, with all our supplies in one room. Anyone can jump up on a chair and let their creativity flow, and I don't mind the fact that the floor beneath is often a sea of cut up pieces of paper! Yesterday, we made some flowery spring window decorations using beeswax crayons, permanent markers and greaseproof paper. I was quite proud that H came up with idea after finding the paper in a shopping bag!

As I went to take a snapshot of their bedroom, the boys decided to strike a pose!

On one of the other walls, I have put up a mural I had made out of coloured card.

We rearranged some more furniture to provide some extra storage space in our spare room, and the children have a little play-home area in here. The porch has also been cleared and Tom made a simple bench for putting shoes on, thanks to some free timber picked up on freecycle. The bathroom has a new lick of paint (thanks again to freecycle!) with proper bathroom paint which won't drip down the tiles like the old colour! Daddy and the boys have started digging the veg patch and mowed the lawn... it's been busy!

How have we managed all of this? We would never have been able to do this work and give the boys enough attention if it wasn't for the fact that Tom took a few days off work and my parents helped with the children at the weekend. I'm so grateful!

Tom's holiday also meant that we were able to spend time with the twins individually, which is nourishing for us all.

Playing in the forest with Daddy

Some time in the park with Mummy

Baby trying to take his first steps at 11 months

We are tired though! Another cold virus... Why are the boys so prone to it this year?! ... I mustn't complain though. Tom has planned another few days holiday next week, we will be celebrating Rupert's first solar return in a few weeks, I'm looking forward to visiting my oldest and dearest friend to give lots of cuddles to her new baby, and some family are visiting from Iran later in March to celebrate Iranian New Year with us all. I'm enjoying the build up to spring!

The twins' first gym class

2012-02-07T20:11:00.000Z

As my children have grown, and as I have grown as a parent, I have discovered more about the various groups and classes available for preschoolers. We have tried a few, avoided several, and learnt that mostly the children are happiest or better off within the family fold. Yesterday was another learning experience! I took the twins along to a 'teeny tots gym class' aimed at 3 to 5 year olds, which had been highly recommended to us by numerous friends and parents. It was the first time I have ever left them in a class of any sort, and I couldn’t help being a little sceptical.

My boys are very energetic and H in particular enjoys gymnastics and yoga at home, so this could have been a fun group for them. It's a local group but I hadn't taken them before because the parents are asked to wait in the viewing gallery and I hadn't been comfortable with that! Children grow and change, and the boys (now 4 years old) seemed perfectly prepared to head off without me, even without much encouragement. They had each other for support, and it's at times like this that I feel they are very fortunate to have a sibling close in age.

I introduced them to the member of staff, and the boys happily waved me off as I carried baby R upstairs to watch. I pondered over this unusual scenario: alone with R, and my other children being looked after by a complete stranger, and asked myself WHY I had brought them. It had been a last minute decision, as I had only phoned up the sports centre that morning.* I came up with 3 justifications: Firstly, I thought the boys would like to learn more gymnastics with equipment such as crash mats where they could confidently explore their bodies' capabilities. Secondly, I hadn't planned anything else for that day (what a lame reason!) Thirdly, or perhaps this was the main reason, I had hoped to bring them along to a class such as this, to ensure that I appear to be giving them opportunity to socialise with children close to their age. Socialisation... I am still compiling my thoughts on that topic!

I was glad to be able to watch from the gallery above, and I really wouldn’t have taken them otherwise. The first shock was that the boys were actually listening to the staff.... I saw C skipping across the huge hall by himself and being called over to join the others. With a confused expression, he sauntered back. H stood up and started dancing on his piece of carpet, but after a few words from the instructor he was back on his bottom. He couldn’t help himself though, and spun around on the spot, still seated. That seemed to be allowed.

With 4 or 5 children per instructor, there seemed to be a lot of sitting around on little pieces of carpet while they waited for their turn. The actual ‘gym’ part seemed fun, albeit undemanding, and I was pleased to see the boys’ contented expressions. They did some singing too which I know they would have enjoyed, so overall the class was OK.

However, I was disappointed to see a lack of communication between the children. I didn’t pick up on any of them talking, or even smiling at each other. So much for socialisation! Of course the twins were clearly gossiping and giggling, sitting close to each other most of the time and making the most of it. Is that why some parents choose to put their twins in different classes at school? Perhaps it was the wrong sort of class for social interaction, or perhaps children at this age don’t readily talk to each other unless they are on very familiar terms?

As the boys came out the hall I could see H was fighting a tear in his eye. He asked me if we were going home, clearly unhappy at the thought. I had flapjack waiting for him which diverted his thoughts, and a deeper conversation was saved for the car journey home. He told me that he was sad to leave because he had wanted to roll the large hoops across the hall, but the lady had said that he wasn’t allowed. He had hoped he could do it at the end, but alas not...

So will we be going back? I’m clearly not that enthusiastic, but if the boys still want to go along after half term, then we shall. I’m interested enough to give it another chance, especially while I brew my thoughts on the perceived importance of socialising young children together. Enough from me for now.

* I even emailed Tom to let him know that I was thinking of taking them. We are co-parents after all!

Dinner time blessings

2012-02-03T08:37:00.000Z

Earth who gives to us our food,
Sun who makes it ripe and NOT good,
Dearest earth and dearest sun,
Joy and Love for all you've NOT done.

- Hugo's take on our dinner time song last night.

A year in the life of a field

2012-02-02T15:34:00.000Z

I love the humble field behind our rented cottage. We decided that we'd move here even before we had looked inside the house, because we had all fallen in love with the view. These photos take us from the snows of last winter to the sprinkling of snow we received here this week. I tried to remember to take a snapshot now and then to capture the changing seasons. Here are a few...

Last winter, it snowed and snowed and snowed. It was dark for weeks, but the fire inside roared with life.

Spring was gladly welcomed here, to the backdrop of frequent rainbows

Ripe wheat in the summer, ready for the harvest machinery...

Much to the delight of the boys, the combine made light work of the harvest

Cutting back the hedges

End of summer fun - Climbing straw bales

Autumn now, and the telehandler loads the trailer

Tractor ploughing in early winter - the field and the machines take a rest for now

Winter hail, the first the children had ever seen. Can you spot them excitedly running through the garden?

Snow at the end of January

Caption competition

2012-01-27T21:52:00.001Z

Syenna took this photo today, which made me chuckle! It's Hugo with a bicycle pump 'plugged' into a bush. We had heavy hail immediately afterwards, although I can't be certain that this was the cause...

The colour is coming back

2012-01-24T09:31:00.003Z

We continue to be swamped with illness here, but thankfully have now settled into a gentle daily rhythm that doesn't include outdoor time. I was sure we would all get cabin-fever, but the children have been unwell for so long that I really needed to keep them in the warmth, well watered and fed, and with lots of time to cuddle up in bed together. I do love being at home, but know full well that the children thrive outdoors in the clean fresh air with more space and freedom than they have in our house. I am still a bit sad that Rupert has been ill almost constantly since November, and wonder what I could have done to prevent it. He is much happier now though, and the boys have been fighting a bit less, their appetites are returning, moods are more stable, and we are all getting a little more sleep at night. We have been joining together for our 'circle time' each day, and remembering to sing our songs and light candles, being mindful of those little calming touches which had all gone out the window. I hope that it continues, and soon we will all get our colour back. I am utterly useless when they are ill, turning into an anxious whirlwind of worry!

~ Tired eyes ~

~ Get some rest ~

~ and please get well soon ~

Chinese New Year Crafts, Chickens and Children

2012-01-19T20:41:00.001Z

Chinese New Year Crafts

Chinese New Year paper dragon

Thursday is our toddler group day, and this morning we set up a Chinese dragon craft to celebrate the new year which falls on Monday 23rd January 2012. Together we made a few of these sweet paper dragons which were a slightly modified version of this one. C + H weren't that interested in making them at the group - they never care about crafts when there is a huge hall to run around - so we happily finished them off at home.

"K" and I have been running the group for one year now and it has been customary to pass the responsibility on to other mums, to share the task. The group has been running for at least 35 years, and is a village institution! Nobody feels able take it on though, so last week we held a meeting to propose a rota scheme. Hardly anyone turned up today! I do hope it's just a coincidence...

Chickens

Our cockerel

Our new additions have been providing much amusement, and a brilliant anchor outdoors. It's been a little easier to get the boys outside first thing in the morning now that they have an exciting reason to go. Especially lovely given the bright, crisp mornings and pinky sunrises we have been blessed with here. On their first few days with the new chickens, the boys were so impatient to greet them that we were the ones waking up the cockerel rather than the other way round. Richard, our cockerel, is quite a character. A very gentle soul, who seems to need more time to find his courage and voice. One late afternoon, as the hens were making their way indoors, he decided to fly up into a tree and managed to get his wing stuck in the dense patch of twigs. All his flapping made his predicament more sticky and his distress cries were echoing round the darkening farmyard. After we cut away at some of the branches, the cockerel managed to find an exit and dived to the ground, making a quick and rather embarrassed dash for the henhouse. I couldn't help but giggle along with C + H!

Another fun chicken story (I have already grown rather attached to these 4)... Late afternoon a couple of days ago, and I was making my way across the garden to close up the chicken house for the night. Suddenly I heard loud squawking and saw two of the hens jump on top of the henhouse, flapping their wings and hopping up and down. Richard the cockerel ran straight across the grass, jumped over the fence, shouting and cursing in chicken talk, and obviously very unhappy! I couldn't see one of the hens, and my first thought was that a fox had got her, frightening the others in the process. I picked up a stick and made my way quickly into the run, opened up the nestbox to get a good look and saw.... a kitten. Curled up sleeping in the straw. Quite an over-reaction from our cockerel don't you think!? The missing hen had simply gone to sleep on her perch, apparently oblivious to the small nestbox visitor.

Children

These children NEED time outdoors

Our children have all been quite grumpy recently. I am trying to blame it on the amount of bugs that have been going around, resulting in sleepless nights, tiny appetites, and reluctance to step foot outside. In our house, tired, hungry slightly unwell boys cooped up inside = fighting, screaming, and difficult behaviour. Add to the equation an unwell baby, a frazzled mummy and an overworked daddy and I suppose it's no wonder I haven't really enjoyed the last few weeks. We always problem-solve this sort of thing. Tom and I sit down together, and we think 'right, if we do x,y,z then we should see improvements' and sometimes it works but a lot of the time it's just depressing because nothing changes and we can't see what we're doing so wrong. I sometimes feel guilty that we want to homeschool the children when we are so far from the parents we want to be, and should be, and will never be the parents they deserve. I often hear the term 'good-enough' parent, but it's the sort of advice I'd give a friend, without following it myself!

However, there have been good bits - of course there are many good bits. In between all the fighting, there has been much big brother-baby bonding and nothing makes me happier right now than to see the 3 of them laughing at the same jokes, and playing on the rug together, and connecting. The twins help with Rupert so much that I wonder how I'd cope without them. If he cries in the car, they are the ones than can turn it into giggles. If he bumps his head on the floor, they know how to talk to him to help him understand "these things happen in life". That's what they say to him, in the sweetest tone, and it works. They have been teaching him animal noises, and it fills them all with pride. They value him, and he adores them.

Ice is Nice

2012-01-17T22:36:00.002Z

There is something about the icy cold air of a winter morning that is just so cleansing, I just had to try and share it with you.

Frozen Dandelion

Giving us the chance to become dragons!

Blowing smoke

Crunching underfoot and leaving perfectly preserved footprints, or wheelmarks...

Leaving tracks in the frost

Decorating the entire world around us with minute symmetry

Crystallised Box leaves

And letting us appreciate the precious warmth of the fire.

Enjoying the warmth from the woodburner

Reducing our exposure to toxins found in plastics

2012-01-10T08:01:00.000Z

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Experiments in Natural Family Living
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have reported on weeklong trials to make their lives a little greener and gentler. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

What a great time of year to make changes towards morenatural family living! 2011 was ayear of change for our family, and I’d like take more positive steps inthis fresh new year. This month’s Carnivaltheme was a perfect opportunity for our family to clear out some clutter fromthe kitchen. Our targets: melamine plates and plastic drinking cups.

Toxic plastic and melamine tableware

For the last 2 weeks we have been making some minoradjustments to our tableware in favour of greener and less toxic alternatives, and I’ll tell you why...

Melamine plates

Why would I want to throw out these cute melamine plates andbowls which have accumulated over the years? They have such bright, fun patterns which the boys adore, and best ofall they don’t smash when dropped (or let’s face it, thrown) on the floor by a toddler.

I have actually been meaning to discard these items oftableware for some time, since I first read of the dangers of melamine duringthe awful melaminescandal in China^[1]. Quitehonestly, there are so many things we would like to change/do better/do without,that this had slipped down my list of priorities. I had wanted to indulge in a little researchfirst, and after a few minutes reading some articles online, I now wish I hadacted a lot sooner. This is oneexperiment in natural family living that I want to make sure becomes apermanent change!

Melamine is a chemical compound which forms a whitecrystalline powder, but can be mixed with formaldehyde to produce a hardplastic, known as melamine resin. It isthis resin that is used to make, among other things, the children’s plates wehave been ignorantly using for the past few years. Melamine resin is not microwave safe, and candegrade when exposed to high temperatures. As the plates are worn down or damaged, the melamine resin breaks down to its component parts. In bothcases, this can cause exposure to both melamine and formaldehyde which is aknown carcinogen^[2].

It wasn’t hard to push the melamine to the back of thecupboard for now, and swap it for porcelain tableware for the children. Porcelain and other ceramics certainly don’tshow signs of wear as quickly as melamine, and can cope with high temperatureswithout leaching toxins. We already hadplenty of porcelain, but these sorts of ceramic plates are easy and cheap topurchase (especially second hand!). Theonly downside is that they are of course rather breakable. It’s currently not a problem in our familysince our twins are now 4 and don’t generally fling things from the table, andour 10 month old feeds himself straight off his wooden high chair tray. Our twin’s verdict on the new plates? They didn’t even notice until I asked them,and simply shrugged like teenage boys. However, they did take far more notice of our next change...

Plastic cups and cutlery

The banished melamine plates and bowls have been joined byplastic cups and cutlery. Our boys havebeen rather attached to their old colourful plastic sippy cups! As much as we had tried to offer drinks innormal glass cups, they still often asked for their clever-cup-with-a-lid. Sadly for them, I now realise that theyprobably contain bisphenol-A (BPA) and other nasty chemicals.

Bisphenol-A is commonly abbreviated to BPA, and is achemical used in the manufacture of polycarbonate plastics. It is part of a group of chemicals whichexhibit similar effects to oestrogen, thus disrupting the body’s hormonesystem. Oestrogen (estrogen) itself is anatural hormone found in animals and some insects, which has wide rangingfunctions, from regulating aspects of the reproductive system to affecting fatdeposition and even mental health ^[3].

BPA’s oestrogenic activity has been studied fordecades. There is a huge amount ofcompelling research out there, and I wish I had the time to break it alldown! Just a few examples of its effects on the body include:

Hyperactivity, attention deficits and aheightened sensitivity to drugs of abuse ^[4]
An increase in the risk of breast cancer ^[5,6]and induced cancerous growth in the lab^[7]
Problems with the development of thereproductive system, female fertility^[8] and male sexual dysfunction^[9]
Reduced brain function related to regulation of moodsand formation of memories^[10]

The body’s hormonal system is highly sensitive, and lowdoses of this oestrogen-mimicking chemical have been found to cause serioushealth problems. There is a consensus among many experts that the average level of BPA found in humans is greater than the levels found to cause harm in laboratory studies. As you can imagine, theeffects of BPA will be greater in developing babies and children. BPA can leach out of polycarbonate plasticswhen they are heated, scratched, cleaned using harsh detergents, exposed to UVlight, and as they naturally degrade over time. BPA was banned from infantfeeding bottles and cups in Europe over a year ago^[11], but someof our cups were bought before the ban came into force.

BPA-free plastic is not necessarily safe either. Foryears the manufacturer’s defended their use of this chemical, until they wereforced to withdraw it. I wonder how manyother chemicals in plastics pose health risks? In March 2011, aUS research team examined over 450 BPA-free products to determine if otherpotentially damaging chemicals were released during use^[12]. They exposed commonly available plasticproducts to general wear from heat, UV light and microwaving and found that almost all plastics leached out chemicalswhich had oestrogenic activity. Infact, some of these chemicals in BPA-free plastics had more oestrogenicactivity than BPA itself. The truehealth effects of many of these chemicals are unknown, and not widelypublicised like those of BPA.

Even though the oestrogenic activity and health effects ofBPA are well known, this chemical is still found in a whole host of plastics whichcommonly come into contact with our food and drink. I was surprised to read that it is used inthe lining of cans ^[13], thermal paper of till receipts ^[14],and even in the epoxy resins used to reline old water pipes ^[15]! Itseems hard to completely avoidexposure, which makes it especially important to switch our children’s drinkingcups to a more suitable alternative.

Painted ceramic mugs

We may buy some smaller drinking glasses for the children,but for now they have been very happy to drink out of some ceramic mugs that weall painted together this week. These were actually one of their Christmasgifts, and we all enjoyed splashing some paint on the outside and setting it inthe oven. For days out and about, webought some great stainless steel drinks containers which seem really tough andeasy to clean.

Stainless steel flasks - BPA free

It hasn’t been hard to stop using plastics and melamine, andwe will definitely continue trying to eliminate chemicals in the kitchen to protect our health. I haven't even gone into the environmental concerns about plastic! These tainted items are currently sitting atthe back of the cupboard, waiting for me to work out the best way to reuse orbe rid of them. Any ideas?

The next thing to gois the non-stick cookware...

References

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_protein_adulteration

[2] http://forum.endowmentmed.org/index.php?topic=92.0

[3] Lasiuk, G.C.; Hegadoren, K.M. (2007)."The Effects of Estradiol on Central Serotonergic Systems and ItsRelationship to Mood in Women". Biological Research for Nursing (2007),9 (2): 147–160

[4] Jones, D.; Miller, G. (2008). "Theeffects of environmental neurotoxicants on the dopaminergic system: A possiblerole in drug addiction". Biochemicalpharmacology 76 (5): 569–581.

[5] Brisken, C. (2008). "Endocrine Disruptors and BreastCancer". CHIMIAInternational Journal for Chemistry 62(5): 406–409

[6] Soto, A.; Vandenberg, L.; Maffini, M.; Sonnenschein, C.(2008). "Does breast cancerstart in the womb?". Basic & Clinical Pharmacology &Toxicology 102 (2): 125–133

[7] Fernandez, S. V.; Russo, J. (2009). "Estrogen andXenoestrogens in Breast Cancer". Toxicologic Pathology 38 (1): 110.

[8] http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/02/07021514

[9] Li, D.; Zhou, Z.; Qing, D.; He, Y.; Wu, T.;Miao, M.; Wang, J.; Weng, X. et al. (2009). "Occupational exposure tobisphenol-A (BPA) and the risk of Self-Reported Male Sexual Dysfunction". Human Reproduction 25 (2): 519–527

[10] http://news.yale.edu/2008/09/03/more-evidence-bpa-found-clear-plastics-impairs-brain-function

[11] EU bans BPA from babies’ bottles http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11843820

[12] Yang, C.Z.; Yaniger, S.I.; Jordan, V.C.; Klein, D.J.; Bittner, G.D. (2011). Most Plastic Products ReleaseEstrogenic Chemicals: A Potential Health Problem That Can Be Solved. EnvironHealth Perspect 119:989-996. http://ehp03.niehs.nih.gov/article/fetchArticle.action?articleURI=info:doi/10.1289/ehp.1003220

[13] http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/bpa-lurks-in-canned-soups-and-drinks/

[14] http://www.nomorebpa.org.uk/

[15] http://www.endseurope.com/27810/europe-urged-to-act-on-bpa-in-water-pipes

***
Visit Hobo Mama and CodeName: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of NaturalParenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Make your own moisturizer! — Megan at bohomama whips up a winter skin-friendly moisturizer.
Cold Water Only — Brittany at The PistachioProject talks about how you do not need hot water to wash laundry.
Family Cloth... Really?? — After lots of forethought andconsideration, Momma Jorje finally decides to take the plunge with familycloth.
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle : 5-5-5 Things A Day —Luschka from Diary of a First Child writes about decluttering her home in anattempt to create a gentler living space. She takes on a new project where she sets a goal ofreducing, reusing and recycling every day.
Pros and cons of family cloth — Lauren at HoboMama would love to continue replacing paper products with family cloth … if she couldonly get over how damp she feels.
Craftily Parenting — Kellie at Our MindfulLife finds that crafting makes her a better parent.
Changes — Laura at Pug in the Kitchencouldn't choose just one area to experiment with, so she wrote a long post about all the funchanges initiated in her life!
Life without Internet: Not all it's Cracked up to Be —Adrienne at Mommying My Way tries to go a week without the Internet, only torealize a healthy dose of Internet usage really helps keep this stay-at-home mom connected.
My Progression to Raw Milk — Kerry at City KidsHomeschooling shares her natural parenting progression all the way to trying rawmilk.
mama's new little friend. — Sarah at BittyBird tries a menstrual cup to "green her period," and is pleasantly surprised when shefalls in love with the product!
Before you throw it out, try homemade laundry soap! —Jennifer at Practical OH Mommy shows visual proof that homemade laundrysoap is cheaper, easier, and works better than the store-bought chemicals!
Oil, Oil, No Toil, No Trouble — K from VerySimple Secret talks about her foray into the oil-cleansing method.
I Need a Hobby — Amanda at Let's Take theMetro couldn't decide which experiment to run, so she did them all.
7 days of macrobiotics for a balanced family — TheStones make a [successful] attempt to release the "holiday junking" with 7 days of macrobioticmeals to balance their bodies and souls. Elisabeth at Manic Mrs. Stoneincludes an explanation of macrobiotics.
Chemical Free Beauty Challenge — Jenn atMonkey Butt Junction turned to natural alternatives for her daily beauty andcleaning routine, with great results.
Greening my Armpits!? My Green Resolution — Shannonat The Artful Mama talks about how she decided to give up her traditionalantiperspirant and make the switch over to crystal deodorants and definitely isn't looking back!
Going Raw (for a while) — Jenny at Chronicles ofa Nursing Mom shares her family's experience with raw food.
Do we get to eat gluten today? — Sheila at A GiftUniverse has been trying to figure out if her son does better with or without gluten in hisdiet … but it's really hard to tell for sure.
Hippies Can Smell and Look Fabulous Too! — Arpita ofUp, Down And Natural details her experience of going shampoo-free andoverhauling her cosmetics to find the balance between feeling beautifully fabulous and honoringher inner hippie.
Our cupboards are full...but there's nothing to eat — Lucyat Dreaming Aloud takes on the challenge of chomping through the contentsof her storecupboard rather than going shopping — but there's something that she just can'tbring herself to do …
Elimination Experiment 3.0 —MudpieMama recounts the messy adventures of her baby daughter trying tobe diaper free.
Family Cloth Trial — Amyables at Toddler inTow talks about making and using family cloth wipes in the bathroom for the firsttime.
Taking aHiatus — Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares how herexperience of much less internet interaction affected her family and how it will change herapproach in the future.
Trying Out the MenstrualCup — Lindsey at an unschooling adventure ditches thetampons and gives menstrual cups a try.
Managing Food Waste in Our Home — Tired of the holidaywaste, Robbie at Going Green Mama takes a weeklong focus on reducingfood waste in her home, and learns some lessons that can take her through the new year.
Going Offline, Cloth Tissues, and Simplicity — Jennifer atHybrid Rasta Mama muses over her time away from blogging and socialnetworking. In addition, she shares her newfound love of cloth tissues and simplicity.

The Oil Cleansing Method — Erica atChildOrganics explores an easy, organic and natural way to tackle skin care.
Experiments in Natural Family Living - Natural Toys! —Lani at Boobie Time enjoys the silence of natural toys and being more presentwith her son.
Discovering a New City and Organic Foods — Amy atA Secure Base describes her family's switch to and search for organic foodsfor one week.
My Experiment in Homemade Bread —Crunchy Con Mommy tried — and loved — baking her own homemadebread.
Menu Planning: Stop the Excuses — Gaby atTmuffin stopped the excuses and started planning her weekly meals,drastically cutting her grocery budget and stress level and improving the quality of foods she fedher family.
My First Menstrual Cup — Mandy at LivingPeacefully with Children was pleasantly surprised with her first experience using amenstrual cup.
My Natural Beauty Regime — Christine at AfricanBabies Don’t Cry shares the results of banishing cleanser and soaps from herbathroom, as well as a couple of natural homemade recipes that have worked well on her skin.
Unplugging and Creating a Rhythm: Our Experiment in Natural FamilyLiving — Dionna at Code Name: Mama focused less ongadgets and spent more time with her family to create a healthy rhythm for the new year.
Experiments in Natural Family Living: 5 First Steps Toward Preparing for aNatural Birth — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mamadiscusses how she tackled the pressing matter of how to begin preparing for a natural birth.
All you need is...vinegar! — Kristen at MySemi-Crunchy Life learns that one household product can replace all the cleaners inher cabinet.
Nope Nada Ixnay Negative Pass Decline — Zoie atTouchstoneZ finds out what shakes loose if she says, "YES!!" to anythinganyone asks of her over the space of 10 days.
Reducing our exposure to toxins found in plastics —Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins throws out the melamine and BPA plasticswhich have been hanging around the kitchen for too long.
Duh! — Kat at Loving {Almost} EveryMoment shares how she began the process of helping her 2-year-old son stopphysically acting out.
Experiments in Natural Parenting: Starting, Stopping, and GainingPerspective — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings explainshow pregnancy brain interfered with her attempts to complete an experiment, but how shegained some interesting perspective as she started and stopped several.
From Experiment to Lifestyle — Abbie atFarmer's Daughter shares her experience avoiding processed foods for amonth, and deciding to make it a permanent lifestyle change.
From Disposable Paper to Reusable Cloth – AGAIN! —Terri at Child of the Nature Isle stops flushing trees down the toilet andswitches to the softest ever butt-wiping material: cloth.
Extra! Extra! Water Heater Turned Down, Mom Doesn'tNotice! — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis finds anenergy-saving experiment that's so easy she didn't even realize it was happening.
Worm Tea — CatholicMommy isn'tsure how successful her worm bin will be, but she's having fun anyway.
Miles to Go... — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns that when itcomes to sleep debt, she's in real deep.
My Month With Water Kefir — Paige at Baby DustDiaries experiments with a new fermented probiotic drink homemade in her ownkitchen.
OMG Mom is Home... All Day Everyday: A Week-Long Experiment inConnecting — What a difference a week makes! Ana atPandamoly is afforded a week off from work and takes the chance toreconnect and reattach with her 16-month-old son through an experiment in simply beingthere.
Creating Healthy Family Recipes — Deb Chitwood atLiving Montessori Now shares her experiment with healthy, gluten-freerecipes and a chocolate muffin recipe that was created during the experiment.
Adventures in Alternative Haircare: No 'Poo — This guestpost at Natural Parents Network from Amy at Anktanglechronicles a months-long journey into the world of no 'poo.
My Experiment in NaturalFamily Living: Natural Family Planning — Birth control options are seriouslylimited for those of us trying to live a little closer to the earth, so MamaPsalmist experiments with natural family planning.

New Chickens

2012-01-09T14:02:00.000Z

This weekend we welcomed our new chickens.

All 3 children are already hooked on Richard, Isabel, Henrietta and Chicken/Spot (they are still deciding on the name).

They have come from a friend of a friend, who needed to get rid of them. We are keeping them in the large pen for a couple of days so that they feel a bit more secure after the move, and tomorrow they will be free to roam the garden, field and farmyard next door. It's great to have chickens again, and this time a handsome cockerel amongst them. Fingers crossed we'll see some chicks this year.

You reap what you sow

2012-01-05T20:22:00.000Z

To mark the turning of seasons and start of the new calendar year, we planted some cress seeds during the winter solstice. Each cup of seeds symbolised a few of our aspirations, and everyone chose one or two to focus on and nurture. They happily sat on the windowsill and grew tall with the light of the strengthening sun. As the new year arrived, so too our cress had grown ready to eat!

Our twins really enjoyed the little ceremony of harvesting and eating their seedlings. Charlie chose 'Kisses and Cuddles' and keeps reminding me of his sprouted seed along with LOTS of big hugs. It was worth it for that alone!
.

New Years Resolutions

2012-01-05T16:19:00.000Z

As Syenna mentioned, 2011 was a year of many changes for us. I feel as if it has been a year when we have been able to find the confidence and energy (somehow) to listen to our own instincts a little more. I think that all of these changes will have a positive effect on our boys and I hope that we can continue the good work through 2012.

I'll make a start by making a few promises to myself, in the form of resolutions. Here goes:

1. Be nicer to Syenna. That's really vague isn't it? Let me explain: I am very critical. I criticise people's work (including my own) for a job. But I forget that criticism isn't always helpful, and do way too much of it at home. I also concentrate too much on doing things, rather than doing them nicely, even when I am doing them to try and be nice. So this year, I will make a concious effort to think a little more about the way I make people feel, especially Syenna.

Sugar!

2. Eat less sugar. At work, we receive numerous gifts of a chocolatey or biscuity nature and, as a result, I have slowly been increasing my daily sugar intake over the past 3 years. I'm sure this can't be good for my metabolism/teeth/health/moral conscience. Over the past month, I have pretty much avoided all sucrose at work and have been eating less at home too. Diet is one of the things that I know so little about but would really love to know more, but I don't have confidence in anything I read. The information seems to be sourced from people either trying to sell a fad-diet or promote some ill-informed government scheme. In any case, I am convinced that highly processed sugars are not good on a number of levels.

I think that's enough for now, I wouldn't want to make life too hard for myself!

2011: A turning point

2012-01-04T00:15:00.001Z

2011 was a year ofchange for our family. Musing over itall now, we have certainly taken quite a few steps towards a more natural wayof life: we’ve bought less “stuff”, recycled and composted more, we’ve beenmaking and mending things, given away almost all of our plastic toys, boycottedunethical companies and favoured fair-trade alternatives, grown our own veg,started to keep chickens, switched to more natural cleaning and body careproducts, greatly reduced our intake of refined sugar and artificial foods,almost (!) managed to naturally birth our 3^rd son, reaffirmed our commitmentto conscious attachment parenting, we have resisted preschool and decided onhomeschooling, used alternative therapies rather than pharmaceutical drugs andtried to wear less man-made fibres....

2011 will be remembered as a turning point, and who knows what 2012 will bring!

Happy New Year (a little late)

Last day of Advent

2011-12-24T09:25:00.000Z

... which is a good thing as I had run out of ideas for C + H's advent calendars!

The excitement is building. The boys can't wait to see my parents and brother today. I know that even Rupert is going to have a brilliant time. Tom can't wait for my Mum's Christmas lunch tomorrow! I'm looking forward to focusing on the special things in life, such are cherished time with family. I am not a hugely warm, touchy-feely, tell-my-mum-all-my-thoughts kind of daughter but I really appreciate the time I spend with my parents. I was thinking last night how 10 years ago, my relationship with them was so strained and I couldn't wait to pack my bags and leave home for university. Since having children, we have become a lot closer again and it has made my life far richer. I must remember that next time I get stressed about the little things, and I must remember to tell them how much they mean to me this Christmas.

Enjoy the festivities!

Happy Christmas

2011-12-23T14:49:00.002Z

I haven't posted for a few weeks now, so I thought that I had better write something. I also tried to make the blog look a little more wintery with a snowy background image (taken last year, I haven't seen any snow yet this year).

Things are plodding along with me. I am appreciating Charlie and Hugo much more and have been impressed with the patience and love that they have shown Rupert when he was ill. They have enjoyed becoming 4 and seem to have changed quite suddenly. Hugo is becoming more confident in his self, he is more able to enjoy time creating his own ideas. Charlie keeps asking if he is still 4. No Charlie, you must be 6 by now, surely? - proud grin and a giggle. His patience is outstanding, for Rupert pulling his hair and hitting him and for me when I get stressed. Rupert is his dominant self still, and demands that I come back and entertain him if ever I dare go out of the room!

But life's plodding never slows down. It keeps going 24 hours a day, but I need some rest. Work is busy, writing papers, a PhD thesis (plus data collection and mathematical modelling), grant applications (to try and pay my wages from the end of next year), busy clinics and other bits and pieces that keep cropping up. I guess I got used to working on just one or two things at a time, and now I forgot how to cope with lots of tasks! Home is wonderful, but I don't quite seem to have enough hours in the day. Or perhaps I mean not enough hours in the night; my eyes are bloodshot and my head is constantly spinning.

It's strange though, because it doesn't seem to stress me out. Any other time, I would be worrying about getting more sleep, or stressing at every chore that needs doing. But now, I just do it. Somehow, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm not sure why, that's going to take some thinking.

Apologies for the rushed post. I should have a little more time next week.

Oh yeah, and have a Happy Christmas (and all other solstice related events, even if I am a little late!)

The School Boy

2011-12-20T19:35:00.000Z

The School Boy - William Blake (1757-1827)

I love to rise in a summer morn
When the birds sing on every tree;
The distant huntsman winds his horn,
And the skylark sings with me.
O! what sweet company!

But to go to school on a summer morn,
O! it drives all joy away;
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day
In sighing and dismay.

Ah! then at times I drooping sit,
And spend many an anxious hour,
Nor in my book can I take delight,
Nor sit in learning's bower,
Worn thro' with the dreary shower.

How can the bird that is born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing?
How can a child, when fears annoy,
But droop his tender wing,
And forget his youthful spring?

O! father and mother, if buds are nipped
And blossoms blown away,
And if the tender plants are stripped
Of their joy in the springing day,
By sorrow and care's dismay,

How shall the summer arise in joy,
Or the summer's fruits appear?
Or how shall we gather what griefs destroy,
Or bless the mellowing year,
When the blasts of winter appear?

How can the bird that is born for joy sit in a cage and sing?

284 days

2011-12-18T20:17:00.001Z

It’s no secret that for the last 284 days I have beenfeeling quite low. There have been upsand downs, but since the day R was born I have generally felt odd... as if Iswitched off during the traumatic part of his delivery and never fully switchedon.

Today is the firsttime that my emotions have felt balanced. Today I have been relaxed and HAPPY. Truly happy, as if light was shining out of myeyes! With an emotional burden lifted, Ifeel physically lighter.

But why, I wonder? SinceC + H’s not-so-great birthday, I have tried to ensure they had a relaxed fewdays, and it has soothed us all. Babyand I slept in for a couple of hours longer than usual today too, while Tom madebreakfast for the boys. I don’t quitebelieve that some chill out time and some extra sleep could have been theanswer to 40 weeks of confused sadness, but perhaps it tipped the scales? I wonder if I will flow backwards andforwards a little more until I truly regain my balance in life.

Proverb

2011-12-17T19:33:00.001Z

“Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.”
- Chinese proverb

Birthday Card Boxes

2011-12-16T16:51:00.003Z

When our twins celebrated one year since their Birth, they were most interested in all of the colourful cards they received. Wanting to preserve these keepsakes, I securely taped them all to the inside of a large cardboard box, in which the little ones used to sit and chatter away to the drawings and characters. Surprisingly, the box wasn't completely demolished... Second Birthday cards were added to the outside the following year, and it still seems like a good thing to do with old birthday cards.

Their 1st Birthday card box, with 2nd birthday cards added to the outside

3rd Birthday card box

Rupert's Birth day card box

4th Birthday card box

We decorated a small box with a lid using their 4th Birthday cards. The boys helped me with the cutting and taping, and it was a lovely activity this afternoon. Rupert loved it too, and the box will be put to great use storing small toy vehicles.

Could have been better

2011-12-16T16:35:00.003Z

C + H’s birthday couldhave been better for them – for various reasons they struggled to enjoythemselves, but there were some wonderful moments too. Children are the experts at looking at thebright side of life so I am trying to follow their lead!

Toddler group Birthday cake

In the morning, we went along to our regular toddler groupsession*. Unable to miss the sessionthis week, I asked the boys if they wanted to go elsewhere with Daddy while Iwent along , but understandably they preferred to stay together as a familyeven though they didn’t feel like going. This week we made handprint Christmas cards, and I took along a birthdaycake to share, yet C + H got upset over a few things and it didn’t feel like apositive start to the day.

Handprint Santa

[* The boys don’t always enjoy the toddler group anymore, and often want to leave early. I was very reluctant to commit to running the group last year, even though they still loved the sessions at that point. Now that I have more jobs to do there, and they are growing older than the other children who attend, they don’t have much fun. I try to involve them with the running of it, choosing the snacks, preparing the fruit and drinks, setting out toys and sweeping up... but honestly I wouldn’t take them every week if I didn’t feel as if I had to go. I feel quite stuck in the role until we can get more people to join the committee. I wouldn’t want to simply quit, as the village needs the toddler group. The AGM is coming up so hopefully there can be some changes made...]

After lunch at home, they were thrilled to go to a soft playarea with Daddy. They had been asking togo for quite a few weeks, and it’s not usually somewhere we like to take them,but it cheered them up a great deal yesterday! They arrived home happy, not long before some friends were due to arrivefor a small party.

By request: 2 cakes with cream, strawberries and chocolate buttons

They were exhausted though, and by the end of the day theyjust couldn’t cope anymore. Still, theyhad really wanted to spend some time with their friends so they were gratefulfor that, and also they received some very thoughtful gifts. It was just all a bit much for them, andthere were lots of tears beforeeveryone left and they collapsed straight into bed. I feel the need to evaluate the day at somepoint, and possibly change our approach to birthdays in future.

Maybe they need a celebratory day each?

Decorating wooden tealight holders at the party

The whole week couldhave been better actually, but every cloud has a silver lining...

We had quite a few things breaking: the toaster, the kettle,the desk lamp and the dishwasher. Tom’sMum is kindly going to replace our kettle as a Christmas gift for the family, whichwill help us out a lot.

We had a power cut for about 10 hours, but luckily we hadplenty of candles and we don’t use electricity for heating the house, so it hadlittle impact this time.

R today, feeling a little better

Rupert has been suffering greatly with Roseola infantum. 3-4 days with a fever, withhis temp between 39.5 and 40 degrees. Hecouldn’t eat, and could barely sit up. Lots and lots of nursing, drifting in and out of sleep. Not much sleep for Mummy of course! Then, the fever cooled off and he came out ina rash from his head down to his tummy, and was really upset (screaming a lot,and couldn’t sleep at all). I even decided to give him some paracetomol, which was his first dose ever. Thankfully the rash is fading, and he feltlike eating some soup tonight. I alsodiscovered a second tooth just peeping through today! It’s a huge relief to know that tomorrow Iwon’t have such a poorly baby. Seeing mychildren unwell is one of the hardest aspects of parenting for me – I find ithard to function as I get really worried. I feel utter joy knowing this virus has passed!

So that’s the beauty of life. Light and dark. Positive and negative. A wise university lecturer told me “Don’tnegate the negative”.

Speaking of light and dark, I am really looking forward tocelebrating the winter solstice next week, before spending the Christmasweekend with our extended family.

As always, I am wishing for peace in our homes, and peace inthe world.

Hip Hip Hooray - We are 4 Today

2011-12-15T06:00:00.000Z

Happy Birthday to my twin sons...
My bright shining suns who bring light, life and warmth to my world.

Sunday Walk

2011-12-05T20:33:00.001Z

Our Sunday woodland walk is a lovely ritual we follow. When Rupert was first born, Tom started to take the older boys by himself, but now R enjoys the woods as much as anybody so we often all go together again. This week we went to a forest park, and had a fantastic time.

In the morning, we took part in a little woodwork workshop, and the boys each made a kazoo.

The miniature steam train was of course a huge hit.

The boys (and Daddy) found the playground really thrilling.

After lunch we all went on a long walk in the woods, returning to the car as the sun was setting. Lots of singing required to make it that far!

There was a little Christmas market full of local produce at the visitor centre, and I bought some goats milk soap, and gorgeous orange fingerless gloves, which were such a bargain I couldn't resist, especially since I had been meaning to ask my mother-in-law to knit something similar, as leg warmers for Rupert. They fit him perfectly!

Happy Day

2011-12-02T19:37:00.001Z

Charlie said to me this morning "Today is a HAPPY DAY"

...Which was more a reflection on how tired and grumpy Ihave been earlier this week, rather than the brilliance of today! Still, the comment hit home and I affirmed thatYES today is a happy day, and committed myself to fulfilling that promise. No grumpy mama here. Ithink I have been a bit short-fused and controlling... so do you know what the boyschose to do? We stayed at home, they shed their clothes (is it just my little ones who prefer to be naked?!), we made chocolate peanutbutter spread (why on earth have I never done this before!), re-potted anddecorated the festive Christmas tree, did some baking, ate far too many berries, watcheda DVD and C+ H had 2 baths. They enjoyedtaking the lead today and we all feel much better for it.

The boys were so pleased to decorate the tree, after making many of the decorations themselves over the last few weeks

Banana, blueberry, linseed and cocoa muffins

I have just been so tired this week. We had a long weekend at my parents, which isgenerally lovely, but it always takes a while for the boys to recover from theintensity of the trip. Baby R didn't sleep well for a few nights, and it’s a shock to the system when I have asudden change in my sleep patterns. Thetwins woke around 12 times a night each until they were about 2 years old, yetsomehow that was almost OK as my body had gradually adjusted. Also, H has seemed a bit out of sorts sincereturning from our weekend trip, and has been agitated and a littledestructive. The boys have found it hardto find common ground, being in such different moods, and struggled to play andenjoy each other’s company. The car hasbeen in the garage (the bill came to over £700! L)so we had quite a bit of time indoors, missing some of our usual activities, and perhaps I was also worried about thecost etc. Basically, the week just fellflat.

I managed to help H feel a little better today. R slept OK last night. My ears were overjoyed to hear the sound of two little boys laughing and playing together this evening. I feel so much better.

Decisions, Decisions (Schooling)

2011-11-23T15:17:00.001Z

We’re not applying forPrimary School places next year. Ourtwins won’t be starting reception class in September. Writing it down here makes it feel official!

We have looked at a few local primaries, mulled over adelayed start, evaluated part time schooling, researched Montessori and Steiner-Waldorfschools, and thought hard about homeeducation. We have been thinkingabout this choice since the boys were babies, knowing that it was a decision wewould perhaps struggle with. It isa choice, after all, although home education appears to be an almostsecret option! We have found our own wayto the conclusion that the state primary schools which we have seen wouldn’t bethe best possible environment for C + H to grow up in. We’re not seeking perfection, but the best optionavailable to us. We’re not perfectourselves after all, far from it! Sending our children to school would meandelegating our parental responsibilities to someone else, and that’s a big deal.

The primary schools made us feel uncomfortable in so manyways, and we have ended up ruling them out altogether. I have issues with their expectations ofchildren, the objectives of the schools, the coercion, the lack of freedom, thelack of respect, competition, the teaching styles, the class sizes, the lack oftime spent outdoors, punishments, the reward charts, the examinations, theattitudes of some of the staff and the list really could go on. I would like to like a school. It would certainly make life simpler.

Our interest insending the children to a school stems from our desire for them to feel part ofa wider community, to mix with a range of individuals and to form friendshipswith other young people.

I liked the feel of the Montessori preschool nearby, and weare still researching Steiner education....but school at just 4 years old? That’s not a lot of time given to just being a child. Staying in the home environment for a few moreyears has a lot to offer them. Fun andvariety, free play, no assessments, unconditional love, understanding, acceptance,trust in themselves, time and freedom to grow and soar. Again, the list could go on... 4 or 5 years old seems very young to beasking them to conform. I had a fairly positiveschooling experience, but it doesn’t mean that formal schooling would suit allchildren. In the case of our twins, Isuspect that school would crush them! Afterall, the young starting age in this country is more about economics than achild’s best interests. We chose not tosend the boys to preschool, and it has been really great for them.

Talking to other parents, many seem to agree that theirchild was too young to start school. Sowhy make that choice? I think that a lotof people are unaware that there is a choice to home educate for as long as itsuits, and a large number who know about it don’t feel that it could fit withtheir life circumstances. We are all freethough, free to choose and make that choice a reality. Homeschooling our twins for a few years won’tbe the perfect option, but we believe it to be the best choice we can make forthem at this point in time.

You know that feeling we sometimes get as parents when a decisionfeels ‘right’? Well, I have that lovely feelingnow, and with it comes strength and confidence. I’m not sure how our extended family will feel, but we are all excited andoptimistic!

Instructions for being a good Mummy

2011-11-16T22:20:00.001Z

How to be a good Mummy, according to Hugo

1. Clean up

2. Do the cooking

3. Buy me more toys

4. Stay at home and look after me until I am big enough tobuy a car and drive really fast

Co-sleeping with twins and a baby

2011-11-14T20:51:00.001Z

Twins sharing an incubator

When our twins were in hospital for the first two months oftheir lives outside the womb, they were housed in incubators and those awfulplastic cots that hospitals have been using for decades. I remember watching new mums on the postnatal ward wheeling their newborns around in these, since they weren’t allowed to carry them throughthe ward. Even before we had boardedthe attachment parenting boat, this seemed abnormal and certainly did nothingto encourage mother-baby bonding. Ourboys were literally joined to their cots by all of the tubes and wires neededto monitor their health. How could wekeep them feeling secure and comforted in this harsh environment? We soon realised that twins feel a lot more snugand secure when they can remain in contact with each other.

Sleeping soundly with a comforting touch

It makes perfect sense doesn't it? They had grown together from being a tinyball of cells, constantly aware of each other’s presence. Their whole world had suddenly changed attheir moments of birth, and the biggest change was that they had been leftalone. No baby can cope with isolation,least of all twins or multiples. Thetouch, smell and feel of their brother’s movements again must have beenextremely reassuring. Lying together,their heart rate stabilised and they had fewer apnoeas (where they stoppedbreathing).

Mummy learning to keep them close

We had read all about the benefits of kangaroo care, but it wasn’t until they were around 31 weeks gestation that they found ourcuddles soothing. Before that time Ithink it was too stimulating, too painful and too exhausting for them. They eventually spent most of their day beingheld or sleeping together on a big twin feeding pillow that I had bought. It probably helped my milk supply to havethem close, and helped us all bond and feel like a family for the firsttime. I learnt through this experiencethat these babies simply didn’t like to be put down. When I put them in their cots, their heartrate became erratic, their breathing irregular and they had more frequentapnoea episodes, sometimes requiring resuscitation.

Twins sleeping on the nursing pillow

A few days before we could bring the twins home, we stayedwith them in a family flat at the hospital. It was mainly to monitor us/them and make sure that they were stillputting on weight whilst being exclusively breastfed (the feeding tubes werefinally removed, hurrah!). Our first nightalone with them, and they were sleeping in those plastic cots. “Come on” says Tom “Let’s bring them into the bed”. We placed them safely in bed with us, andnever looked back. You can find outabout safe co-sleeping here.

Which brings me to the present day... C + H still sleep in our bedroom, in bed theyshare together. They are welcome into the‘big bed’ whenever they want, and Daddy ends up in their bed almost every night. It’s wonderful to have a family bedroom. The boys are comforted easily, they feel safeand secure, they always have someone next to them when they wake up, we get towake up to bright smiling faces, we all generally get a better night’s sleep,it makes night time feeding/changing far simpler, and I believe it is wherechildren expect (in the biological sense) to be! In fact, for as long as humans may naturallybreastfeed, sleeping together at night is surely the biological norm?

Still together - the boys tonight

However, recently R has started trying to wake his brothersup! Like many 8 month old babies, hewakes up in the night. Often it’s justto feed and go back to sleep, but occasionally at 3am he feels that his day hasbegun. And his day isn’t the samewithout the presence of his very own comedy duo, his big brothers. Cue lots of calling and shouting at them to cometo life before Tom or I manage to wake up enough to sneak out of the room with him! Sometimes it works the other way, and the boysare so excited to have a peek at the sleeping baby in the morning, that he overhearsthem and joyfully wakes up. I don’t likeany of them to lose sleep unnecessarily, so it has got me thinking about whenthe right time will be to offer the boys a room of their own. I’m not sure how much it will help the sleep situation,which has actually been a lot better this week anyway. Like with many things, we’ll ponder over theidea for quite some time, probably too long, before deciding on a plan!

Poor Baby

2011-11-12T12:44:00.001Z

I love colour.

Rainbows around my home - a beautiful sun-catcher chosen by the boys, some cans and pots covered with felt, a rainbow ribbon that often flickers and flies around the windy garden in the hands of a small boy.

Autumn star made with very careful help from Hugo.

Gorgeous rug from Iran, which reminds me of fire.

Pistachio nuts, which remind me of the colours of leaves outside.

Bright red chillies growing inside for Daddy, and mellow red haw berries outside, against a vivid blue autumn sky

The lush grass this morning.

Poppies sprouting in the garden, and some very bright roses indoors.

But one colour that did not fill me with joy today was some ruby red blood from the baby's lip. I'm so used to C + H having the odd bump or graze during their daily adventures, yet it took me quite by surprise to see R crawling a few paces before falling flat on his face... his one sharp tooth puncturing his top lip. Some mummy milk and plenty of humour from his big brothers soon changed his mood, but this Mummy needs to relax and let these things go!

Rupert with his swollen top lip

Hero

2011-11-12T12:32:00.000Z

This is a word that brings me mixedfeelings. On the one hand, I think ofchildhood fantasies where I somehow saved the day and won over the love andrespect of those around me. This clearlyoriginates in part from watching too many cartoons with the stock storyline ofhero defeats monster, gets what he (and it is usually he) wants. It may also have stemmed from feelings ofconditional love.

On the other hand, there is a localcampaign called 'Help for Heroes' which tries to raise money for the victims ofwar from the last decade who happen to be members or ex-members of the British Armed Forces. In particular, those who have beeninjured during their service. These people have been workingfor an organisation which, sometimes illegally, invades other countries has been responsible for themurder, abuse and displacement of thousands of people every month. I'm not a fan of the military.....Now, these are of course still people, withfamilies and loved ones, and absolutely deserve to be treated as such. So, although I have no problem with the work that the charity does, Ican't agree with their use of the term hero.

So, I want to redefine my association withthe word hero. I'll use the Oxford definition:

"a person, typically a man, who isadmired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities"

Well, who wouldn't love this sort ofhero? The first person who comes into mymind when I read that is the co-writer of this blog, who I am lucky enough tobe married to. I could probably write awhole blog on her heroics! You can readthe posts that are already up about our childbirth experiences for starters. In particular, I remember her fearlessapproach to making sure she did absolutely everything she could to improve Hugoand Charlie's chances, and the massive amount of research and physical effortthis took. I remember months of agonywhilst they fed from both sides from raw nipples that got barely any rest, noteven at night, and the extreme mental and physical exhaustion thatresulted. But we knew that was what theyneeded and so she just did it. And thesame goes for Ruperts birth; months of preparation to ensure that she was inthe right frame of mind resulted in a pleasurable experience for all, all apartfrom a 20 minute period when both her body and Ruperts went into rest mode andscared the medical team (and even thenit took a lot of convincing).

But the heroics continue. Every day shestrives to improve the way that she parents and would do anything if shebelieved it to be best for the family. I only wish that I could express on here howmuch I am in awe of her, and all that she manages to do.

So, Syenna is an obvious hero for me. But we are lucky enough to be surrounded bypeople with all sorts of heroic qualities. They do things that I wish I could do. Things like this. And like some of the families we know, who show extraordinary patiencewith their children and ours (I really wish I had more patience!) and defy all norms to do exactly what they feel best for their family, apparentlywithout a second thought. It's thesekinds of heroics that we need to honour, not the Hollywood kind.

If you would like to mention any heros inyour life, please do so in the comments.

2011-11-11T01:11:00.001Z

Wishing for Peace and Love in our world,
in our neighbourhoods,
and in our homes.

The Ritual of Mealtimes

2011-11-08T08:01:00.011Z

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids in the Kitchen

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

The Ritual of Mealtimes

It is only recently that we have become more aware of our family’s daily, weekly and yearly rhythms, and begun to discover the great pleasures that can be found in life’s simple tasks. Stop for a moment, and ask yourself:

What is the first thing that makes me smile in the morning?

Is it the sight of your sweet sleeping child next to you, a cuddle with your beloved partner, the birdsong outside, the fresh air you breathe in as you open the bedroom window, or a refreshing morning cup of tea? Hold on to that feeling, and ensure that you consciously savour it each and every day. It may surprise you how your happiness swells, simply by bringing that small event to the forefront of your mind, and experiencing it to the full.

What pleasure and meaning can be found at mealtimes?

This is a question that our family has been exploring of late. It has encouraged us to embrace tranquil family mealtimes, gratitude, and ignite the children’s understanding and interest in where our food originates.

Tranquil mealtimes– For us, this is only possible if we are all fully present at our meal. Toys are put away and the room is tidied a little. There is a transition from enjoying other activities to enjoying the coming together of our family around a table. Of course, the boys are not always interested in stopping their play, and we don’t insist on it. However, by giving the children a bit of time and encouragement to make this journey, we find that it helps them find calm, and even seems to stimulate their enthusiasm and appetite! They are then ready to fully enjoy the experience. We all relax, connect, and have fun together as a family unit.

Gratitude - We say a little blessing and light a candle, which is a ritual our twins adore. The daily rhythm of this small act has made a huge difference to the dynamic of our mealtimes. It could be a quiet prayer, joining of hands, a seasonal poem or a song. We sing:

Earth who gives to us our food, sun who makes it ripe and good;

Dearest earth and dearest sun, joy and love for all you’ve done.

Initiated by the children, there is often a circle of gratitude: “Thank you Mummy for cooking the rice” “Thank you Daddy for making the salad” “Thank you Hugo for chopping the carrots” “Thank you Charlie for laying out the cutlery”. Everyone has helped in some way to create a tasty meal and jubilant atmosphere. Sometimes they will of course declare “Oh, I don’t like tomatoes” and sometimes the food will be to their liking, but at least I know that they are in the mood to give it a chance!

Understanding – Last winter, daddy and the boys started to prepare our first vegetable garden as a way of helping the children to feel more connected with the food that reaches our plates. It has been an education for us all! We would like to know more about diet and nutrition (I grew up on a mixture of fantastic home cooked Persian food, and McDonalds!) and we seem to be moving towards more healthful eating all the time. A vegetable garden is great fun, and has encouraged us to eat more seasonal, fresh, beautiful, scrumptious food than ever before. Tom and the boys feel a great sense of pride in their produce, and have enjoyed working together on this brilliant outdoors project.

These few additions to our mealtimes have made them a great deal less chaotic, and made family dinners such a positive, meaningful time of our day. I feel that we have embraced the most important aspect for us: togetherness.

What mealtime rituals do you follow with your family?

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Baking & letting go — Cooking with kids can be a mess. Nadia at Red White & GREEN Mom is learning to relax, be patient, and have fun with the process.
Family feeding in Child of Mine — Lauren at Hobo Mama reviews Ellyn Satter's suggestions for appropriate feeding and points out where her family has problems following through.
Children with Knives! (And other Kitchen Tools) — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy teaches her children how to safely use knives.
"Mommy, Can I Help?" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how she lets her kiddos help out with cooking, despite her {sometimes} lack of patience!
Solids the Second Time Around — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts her experiences introducing solids to her second child.
The Adventure of Toddler Tastebuds — The Accidental Natural Mama shares a few things that helped her daughter develop an adventurous palate.
A Tradition of Love — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy looks forward to sharing the kitchen traditions passed on from her mom and has already found several ways to involve baby in the kitchen.
The Very Best Classroom — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts reveals how her kitchen is more than a place to make food - it's a classroom!
Raising Little Chefs — Chef Mike guest posts on Natural Parents Network about how he went from a guy who couldn't cook to a chef who wanted to teach his boys to know how the food we love is made.
In the Kitchen with my kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares a delicious soup recipe that her kids love.
Papa, the Pancake Artist — Papa's making an incredible breakfast over at Our Mindful Life.
Kids won't eat salad? Try this one! — Tat at Mum in Search is sharing her children's favourite salad recipe.
Recipe For a Great Relationship — Cooking with kids is about feeding hearts as well as bellies, writes Hannah at Wild Parenting.
The Ritual of Mealtimes — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins writes about the significance of mealtimes in her family’s daily rhythm.
Kid, Meet Food. Food, Kid. — Alburnet at What's Next? panicks about passing on her food "issues" to her offspring.
Growing Up in the Kitchen — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how her son is growing up in the kitchen.
Harvesting Corn and History — From Kenna at School Garden Year: The kids in the school garden harvest their corn and learn how much history grows in their food.
My Guiding Principles for Teaching my Child about Food — Tree at Mom Grooves uses these guiding principles to give her daughter a love of good food and an understanding of nutrition as well as to empower her to make the best choices for her body.
Kitchen Control — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro writes about her struggles to relinquish control in the kitchen to her children.
Food — Emma at Your Fonder Heart lets her seven month old teach her how to feed a baby.
Kitchen Fun? — Adrienne at Mommying My Way questions how much fun she can have in a non-functional kitchen, while trying to remain positive about the blessings of cooking for her family.
Kitchen Adventures — Erica at ChildOrganics shares fun ways to connect with your kids in the kitchen.
Kids in the Kitchen: Finding the Right Tools — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares some of her favorite child-sized kitchen gadgets and where to find them.
The Kitchen Classroom — Laura at Authentic Parenting knows that everything your kids want to learn is at the end of the ladle.
Kids in the Kitchen — Luschka from Diary of a First Child talks about the role of the kitchen in family communication and shares fun kitchen activities for the under two.
Our Kitchen is an Unschooling Classroom. — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle explores the many ways her kitchen has become a rich environment for learning.
Montessori-Inspired Food Preparation for Preschoolers — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares lots of resources for using Montessori food preparation activities for young children in the kitchen.
My Little Healthy Eater — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares her research on what is the best first food for babies, and includes a healthy and yummy breakfast recipe.
Two Boys and Papa in the Kitchen: Recipe for Disaster? — MudpieMama shares all about her fears, joys and discoveries when the boys and handsome hubby took over the kitchen.
Food choices, Food treats — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea shares her family's relationship with food.
learning to eat — Catherine at learner mummy reflects on little M's first adventures with food.
The Night My 7-Year-Old Made Dinner — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares how her 7-year-old daughter surprised everyone by turning what started as an idea to play restaurant into pulling off making supper for her family.
Cooking With a High-Needs Toddler — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how Montessori-inspired activities and a bit of acceptance have helped her overcome hurdles in cooking while caring for a "high-needs" child.
Kids in the Kitchen – teaching healthy food choices — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her belief in the importance of getting kids into the kitchen using her favorite cookbook for kids to develop healthy food choices now and hopefully into the future.
Make Milk, Not War — Tamara at Tea for Three remembers the daily food fights as she struggled to feed a picky eater.
teaching baby birds about good food. — Sarah at Small Bird on Fire writes about the ways in which her family chooses to gently teach their son how to make wise food decisions.
5 Ways to Enhance Your Baby or Young Toddler's Relationship with Food — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares simple ways to give your child a healthy beginning to her lifelong relationship with food.
Toddler at the Table: 10 Creative Solutions — Moorea at Mamalady shares tips for preventing meal-time power struggles.
How My Child Takes Responsibility During His Mealtime... — Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy shares how she teaches and encourages her 32 months old son on adopting good manners and responsibilities during his mealtimes...
Kids in the Kitchen: 6 Tips Plus a Recipe — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares six tips for overcoming some of the the difficulties of cooking with multiple young sous chefs, and a recipe they all can agree on!
How BLW has made me a better parent — Zoe at Mummykins shares how baby-led weaning has changed her approach to parenting.
My Budding Chef — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom is no cook but is happy that her daughter has shown an inclination and manages to whip up yummy goodies for their family.
Kids in the Kitchen: An Activity for Every Age — Gaby from Tmuffin describes how she keeps her kids busy in the kitchen, whether they are one week old or two years old.
The Phantastically Mutlipurposed Phyllo — Ana at Pandamoly shares how Phyllo is used to create enticing dishes at home! Anything can be made into a Struedel!
Kitchen Kids — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen shares her children's most favorite recipe to make, experience and eat.
Independence vs. Connection in the Kitchen: won't you please get yourself your own snack already? — Lisa at Organic Baby Atlanta wishes her daughter would just go make a mess in the kitchen. But her daughter only wants to do it together.
Grandma Rose's Kitchen — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter reminisces about her childhood and dreams of filling her kitchen with people, love, noise, and messes.
Healthy Food Choices for Kids — Jorje offers one way to encourage children to make their own healthy food choices at MommaJorje.com.
Cooking food to thrive rather than survive — Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales is trying to foster a lifetime of good food habits by teaching her children about the importance of avoiding junk, cooking healthy meals, and learning about the whole food process.
Evolution of a self-led eater — Sheila at A Gift Universe shares the story of how her son grew from nursing around the clock to eating everything in sight, without her having to push.
10 Ways Tiny Helps In The Kitchen — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama explores the ways in which her toddler actively participates in kitchen-related activities.
The Complexity of Feeding a Child — Feeding children a healthy diet is no straight-forward task, but Lisa at My World Edenwild shares some general guidelines to help your child thrive.
Lactation Cookies — That Mama Gretchen shares a fun recipe that will benefit both mamas and babies!
50 of the Best Books, Websites, & Resources to Inspire Kids in the Kitchen — Need inspiration to get your kids in the kitchen? Dionna at Code Name: Mama rounds up some of the best books and websites that can serve as a source for ideas, recipes, and cooking with littles fun.
A 4-year-old's smoothie recipe — Jen at Grow With Graces and her son set out to make a smoothie without the usual ingredients. She let him improvise. See how it turned out.
Independent Food Preparation (My Toddler Can Do That?) — Megan at Montessori Moments shares simple ways for children to prepare their own healthy snacks.
Follow Your Gut — Amy at Anktangle shares her philosophy about intuitive eating, and how she's trying to foster her son's trust in his own inner wisdom when he feels hungry.
A TODDLER-STYLE LUNCH + RECIPE — Manic Mrs. Stone photographs how to have messy fun during lunchtime with a helpful toddler.

Autumn Weekend

2011-11-06T20:47:00.003Z

We have enjoyed a lovely weekend spent with friends, celebrating bonfire night and the start of the cooler weather. On Saturday we hosted a small party with some local friends and my parents, with a bonfire and a few fireworks for the children. Warm apple juice, homemade soup, hotdogs, popcorn, marshmallows on the fire - it was a yummy treat! A smaller group remained until later in the evening, and we enjoyed making even more noise with the musical instruments.

Today we went for a little drive to meet some friends from a local Steiner group. We have only met a few times, but they are such a warm and inspirational family. I could learn a lot from their parenting style, but one thing stands out: confidence. They are so happy with the way they choose to do things, and freely follow their instincts. I can be quite self critical, often falling short of my own ideals, and have had a real crisis of confidence since R was born. I still haven't bounced back, and feel as if I have lost my way. It was nourishing to spend time with such a happy family, and I hope some of their confidence has rubbed off on me.

Brotherly Love

2011-11-06T20:02:00.003Z

Note: I am trying to work out why my pictures keep disappearing!

Baby Shopping - Less is More

2011-11-02T08:52:00.003Z

Twins in Bumbos they hardly used

Recently an old friend of mine asked for my thoughts on which baby items she might need. She is 6 months pregnant with her first child and starting to think about the products she will want to purchase or make before baby’s arrival. I’ll admit it – whilst pregnant with our twins I became somewhat swept up in the indulgence of baby shopping. There seemed to be a long list of essential baby items calling out to me, many of which required a double purchase. I’m ashamed to confess that we spent £2k on a pile of things that mostly weren’t that important. I still have the spreadsheet on the computer... yes I’m one of those list-loving people!

Tandem twin pram

Our biggest purchase/biggest waste of money

Tandem pram, slings x 2, changing bag, changing mat, car seats x 2, car sunshades, cotbeds x2, mattresses x 2, fitted sheets, flat sheets, cot blankets, pram blankets, sleeping bags, blackout blinds, sheepskin rugs, mobile, room thermometer, night light, room monitor, cotton wool, barrier cream, nappies, breast pump, breast pads, nursing bras, breast pump bottles, feeding pillow, muslin squares, nipple cream, steriliser, baby bath, bath support, baby oil, baby thermometer, baby nail scissors, vests – long arms, vests – short arms, sleepsuits, cardigans, hats, mittens, snowsuits, socks, books, playgym, baby bouncers x 2..................I could go on!

Twins in stretchy slings

11 weeks old - first time outdoors in their slings

The big purchase – a pram. Now, this pram was the only tandem on the market at the time that allowed both babies to lie flat as opposed to being in a restrictive carseat or upright chair. It cost over £600, bought for us by my parents, and we ended up using it less than 20 times. It still sits in the garage. Thankfully we had also bought stretchy slings, and the boys were much happier to be carried. Looking back, I cannot really understand why I considered it appropriate to strap our precious newborn cargo almost a metre away from me while taking them for a walk. I was certainly influenced by the marketing, but in the end the slings easily outshone 4 wheels. The boys soon let me know that they strongly objected to the pram. Baby-wearing seemed like a great idea but I wasn’t sure how I’d manage with twins. To begin with, I gave a sling and a baby to daddy/a friend/my mum if I was out with them so we each held one. Around the house, I held one in a sling, one in my arms and had one hand free to get on with things. Once the boys were sturdier, I felt confident enough to carry them front and back using a different sort of sling called a mei-tei, and it was surprisingly comfortable! For premature babies, I believe that babywearing can help with the task of emotional recovery, and perhaps it is even more important for twins who often yearn for reassurance.

Hugo being carried by Ma-ma

The breast pump – Why do many pregnant mums who are keen to breastfeed their child think that expressing milk with a machine is part of the deal? In our case, I benefitted from using a pump while our boys were being tube fed expressed breastmilk in NICU, but I used the hospital grade pump loaned out to me. By the time I brought the boys home, I never wanted to see a pump again and would much rather hand express if ever necessary. I did try “topping up” with expressed milk at a time when I doubted my milk supply was adequate, but they didn’t enjoy the experience of bottle feeding, and I should have trusted my own body and mammals in general! We were soon back to exclusive breast-feeding and my supply was of course fine. Pumps can be useful, but not something to buy ahead of the time! I remember reading in The Politics of Breastfeeding, that 6 million pumps are sold each year in the USA, but only half this number of women start breastfeeding. The manufacturers must be laughing. What a waste of money!

Breastfeeding twins

Far quicker than making up bottles

The cotbed – Thankfully we bought the larger option because by the time the boys were outgrowing the family double bed, they would have been too big for a cot. During the pregnancy, I found Tom a copy of The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff, as a way of understanding and healing some feelings he had about his own childhood. It was a book I had heard tell of through some “attachment parenting” support boards that I had stumbled across, and it had a huge impact on our outlook. It has taken me this long to comprehend and appreciate many of the ideas! Tom felt compelled by attachment parenting philosophies from the outset, and encouraged me to discover more. Our first step was to keep our babies close, day and night, so C + H slept in our bed from their first night out of NICU. We still share a bedroom with them, and are accustomed to a great deal of sleepy bed-swapping. It has been wonderfully healing for them, and makes total sense to us: providing comfort, facilitating night time breastfeeding, and enabling everyone to get a good(ish) night’s sleep!

Twins co-sleeping

Sweet dreams together

So, baby essentials for Rupert? Wrap sling, warm wool blanket, carseat (rear-facing for as long as possible), nappies etc. (although if we ever have another baby, I’d like to go nappy free as much as possible) and some simple clothes made from natural fibres. A few other things have proved useful too. My birthing ball is rather handy - I use it to bounce him to sleep each night if he doesn’t want to doze off whilst nursing. I’m sure it won’t be long before a large baby retailer gets their marketing team onto the idea!

Halloween Celebrations

2011-10-30T19:33:00.002Z

Today, we celebrated Halloween a little early. We rose before dawn as usual, and carved a pumpkin from the veg patch.

Later in the morning, we made our way to some tranquil local woodland where we had arranged a toddler group Halloween walk. It is the 3rd year that our group has come together at this time, and it's evolving into a lovely tradition.

Some fairy folk, or maybe witches, had lined the pathway with clementines and candles.

Half way through, we came together and I told a story using some small wooden animals and our carved pumpkin as props.

We discovered a fantastic tepee and the children enjoyed playing inside for a while.

At the end of the walk, we all sat down near the lake and enjoyed some lovely cake, warm drinks and chats with great friends.

We returned home late in the afternoon, and the boys asked for an early night. I may soon join them!

Meeting Rupert

2011-10-29T09:00:00.009+01:00

Ah Rupert, our birthing experience was mostly blissful wasn't it? It was an amazing journey, and an honour. Sadly, the last 20 minutes were a bit dramatic.... Hospital bed. Stirrups. Ventouse. Strangely more traumatic than your brothers' birth (for me) but you seemed to take it in your stride, especially after some cranial osteopathy to soothe you head. I think I still have a lot of healing to do.

Your big brothers were, and continue to be, in awe of you. You find such joy in life, and spread the bounty to all who love you so very dearly.

You were so alert and calm in your first moments

1 day old

Meeting your doting brother, Charlie

Protective brother Hugo

The 3 of you watching, learning

Rupert has taught us to trust our parental instincts further, and to listen to our hearts as well as our minds.

Our twin pregnancy (part 2)

2011-10-29T01:06:00.001+01:00

A bit of background information about TTTS:

Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) is, as I understand it, a shift in the balance of blood flow from the placenta to each twin. In monochorionic diamniotic twin pregnancies, up to 25% may develop this condition although the exact cause remains unknown. The two babies have their own amniotic sacs, but the placenta nourishes and supports them both, and their blood supply is essentially shared. Although each baby has its own umbilical cord, some of the blood vessels that branch into the placenta might cross over and allow blood to flow from one baby to another.

The twins (or higher monochorionic multiples) may develop harmoniously, without the shared blood supply becoming a problem. In some cases, TTTS is triggered and research is currently ongoing as to why this happens. Many TTTS support websites try to reinforce the suggestion that is is not hereditary or due to anything the mother has done, but I do wonder!

Kangaroo care with premature twins

As TTTS progresses, the "donor" twin does not get enough blood as it flows to its sibling, growth becomes stunted and urine production slows down. The amniotic fluid around this baby reduces, and the baby may even become "stuck" to the membrane of the amniotic sac. On an ultrasound scan, the bladder will be small or even absent from view. The "recipient" twin will grow bigger with all the extra blood, but it needs to produce more urine so the bladder grows very large. Often the first sign of TTTS is the polyhydramnios, or excess of amniotic fluid around the recipient twin. The excess blood can put a huge strain on the heart and brain of the recipient, leading to heart failure or blood clots.

Basically, this condition is no good for either baby and treatment is quickly needed. Tom doesn't really want this blog to focus on where we have come from, more to think about where we are going, but our experience with TTTS is still a relevant scar on my heart. From the point of diagnosis to bringing our boys home 11 weeks later, it was such a terrifying rollercoaster. I don't really want to dwell on things either, but i'm half way through writing this now. Let us compromise and i'll write a summary!

Following on from where "part 1" left off:

We had to fight hard to get a follow up scan the next morning at our local hospital. We had to be really pushy to get referred for treatment that same day. Our hospital did not have the facilities or expertise to treat TTTS, and our nearest large hospital could not see us for 3 days. I knew that it would be too late. Thankfully, I had called my wonderful mother (who is good at being a little bossy!) to come to our appointment, and soon the doctor was calling all around the country to find someone to treat us. 8th call.... someone in London could see us but we had to leave immediately.

We zoomed over to London, with Tom at the wheel and my mother there with us. The consultant saw us right away, and said that the condition was progressing so rapidly that if we had left treatment another 12 hours and we would most likely have lost both boys. Using a very long needle in my belly, and with us all watching the screen unable to take a breath, he pierced the membrane between the babies to alleviate the discomfort of the poor, stuck donor twin. He drained over 3 litres of excess amniotic fluid to take the strain off the recipient twin. I spoke to an expert in the USA who advised bedrest and increasing my dietary protein.... things settled for 10 days.

We were being closely monitored, and I had frequent scans to check on the health of the babies, but eventually the blood flow in their brains became worrying and delivery was deemed to be the best option.

Problem: no beds in any NICU in central London due to overcrowding and norovirus outbreaks.

Miracle: there were 2 intensive care beds available at our local hospital.

We zoomed back over there, and got put on the waiting list for a c-section.

It was the most agonizing part of it all for me. Our consultant in London told us very seriously that the boys needed to be delivered within 24 hours, yet I kept getting bumped down the waiting list when another emergency case came through. For those hours, I was not of this world. I was either temporarily insane, or in a trance, or possibly my brain had turned itself off in part. It was torture. I had midwives trying to prepare me for the idea of delivering dead babies. I had doctors gently explaining that the donor twin was estimated to be 750g and possibly too small to survive even if he was alive at delivery. I was in severe pain from the rapidly increasing polyhydramnios. Yet they kept us waiting and waiting and waiting for 26 hours.

Even now, writing this, I feel emotionally spent. We were so lucky. It was the happiest moment of my life when my first born, our little stuck donor twin, was delivered by a careful surgeon, and gave a small cry... I didn't expect to hear anything, so when I heard that tiny bleat my poor heart did a somersault. Our second cherished boy was born 2 minutes later and did eventually start breathing with some help. They both clung on to life. I have never bought a lottery ticket, because I don't need to.

Daddy with his twin sons, 11 weeks early

1004g and 1172g. 29 weeks gestation. Tiny, vulnerable, fragile and in safe hands. Not my hands.... but at least they were alive. I didn't actually meet my babies until 8 hours later, although Tom stayed with them, and occasionally came to update me and show me a video he had taken.

Born at 29 weeks

We did eventually meet, and bond, and so began my parenting journey.

Our twin pregnancy (part 1)

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Twin ultrasound scan 12 weeks

Our boys could be described as monozygotic monochorionic diamniotic twins, which means that they originated from one fertilised egg, but the ball of cells divided so that they each had their own amniotic sacs. They shared a large nourishing placenta between them, but it wasn’t divided equally and this imbalance was a factor in the development of twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome (TTTS), which led to their early delivery at almost 29 weeks gestation.

We had been through 3 dark miscarriages prior to our twin pregnancy, although we were both young and seemingly healthy. I felt quite nervous about the prospect of a so-called ‘high risk’ pregnancy, but in fact it mostly turned out to be a blissful time and I had never felt healthier, happier, or more in tune with my body. I was overjoyed to feel the strong connection develop... a 3 way bond which became more apparent with my blossoming belly. My antenatal care was consultant-led but we had a very good relationship with our doctor, who was caring, respectful of our wishes and fairly hands-off in his approach. Tom at that time was working in ultrasound and we were both uneasy about the levels of exposure from the frequent scans advised. We did a lot of research and felt that on balance it was worth the risk in this case. TTTS can be reliably picked up on scans and successfully treated with lasers if caught early, and the phenomenon is a fairly common in mo-di twin pregnancies (results from studies vary, but could be up to 25%). If untreated TTTS has a high mortality rate of 80% or more. In fact, the routine scans provided us with no clues, and it was my own body that alerted us when the imbalance took hold.

24 week twin pregnancy bump

I had a scan at 26 weeks, and my consultant gleefully told us that the danger period had passed and we could relax and look forward to a straightforward 3^rd trimester. TTTS is apparently rare past 24 weeks (although there can commonly be reverse blood flow during delivery) so we were all happy to have less intervention from that point onwards. I still felt great at this time, and we started looking towards birth preparation. One afternoon, just a week later, those wonderfully positive feelings had gone. I felt as if some sort of energy was draining from me, my chest felt a little under pressure, and I felt restless and agitated. It was all quite subtle. A couple of hours later, I can recall sitting quietly with my eyes closed, trying to interpret the quiet messages from my body. Are these feelings normal pregnancy worries? Maybe they were. I shut my eyes tighter and visualised a journey through my body towards my womb. I could see our babies. I sensed them in a new way. Are you alright? The answer was a clear NO. We need help urgently.

Twin ultrasound 18 weeks

Tom returned home from work shortly after, and I told him that we needed to go to hospital right away. For a minute, he tried to relax me and ease my worries, but soon realised that I was deadly serious. We spoke to 3 midwives over the phone, who dismissed my suspicions and advised us to just attend the next ‘twin clinic’ in a week’s time. It was late in the evening– they said that nobody was there to scan us. Well, Tom didn’t take no for an answer and we went to hospital anyway. I felt the adrenaline rush through my body as we walked down a silent, dark corridor with a kind gynaecologist, who had agreed to open up an ultrasound room. He said he was no expert, but as soon as the probe picked up the black and white image of our babies, he could see a clear difference in the size of the amniotic sacs – a possible indicator of stage 1 TTTS. My heart sank, my eyes stung and I squeezed Tom’s hand. I felt grateful to have had this insight, and now we were going to save them.

I will write again, to go over the treatment we received and the eventual caesarean delivery. Thinking back reminds me just how lucky we are.

Daddy Day!

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I love Sundays. That's because Sundays are always DADDY DAYS!
That means that I usually spend the day doing fun stuff with Hugo and Charlie while Mummy looks after Rupert.

This Sunday we went to a park...

And set the place alight with our 'giant matches'!

Then we went home and had a lengthy discussion regarding the possible presence of fire in the volcano, and whether baby fox could reside within its confines...

had a go on the trampoline...

Then mummy came up with yet another brilliant craft idea. Faces cut out from old photos and stuck on paper with the freedom to be whoever you want to be. Charlie wanted to be very very tall, all the way up the ceiling like this...

And, after drawing a body in green the bottom right corner, Hugo decided that he needed long arms that later were joined together to become not arms at all, followed by a new body and very long legs in orange...

Their artistic talent is of maternal heritance...

This was followed by some building (digging) to help ensure progress continued with the 'treehouse'

Whoops! Hugo was cutting brambles and...

But that didn't stop us, we had mountains to climb...

and then we had to fix the garage door (hammering posts into the ground to stop it falling open and spilling our log supply, the car was used to ram the door shut!)

All in a day's work!

A fork in the river

2011-10-21T10:03:00.000+01:00

Mummy’s 1st post!

The journey of many parents won’t follow a straight course, but may twist, turn and fork like a mountain stream as it responds to the land around it. As our children grow, we may find ourselves exploring new territories and questioning our beliefs. Some may end up in canal, following the doctrine of parenting gurus; some may confidently glide down a calm river; others may take a chance on the white-water or flow between them all.

We approached parenting with an open mind and a loving heart, and have come a long way since welcoming our twin boys into the world in December 2007. We fought hard for them and were extremely fortunate to deliver them safely, albeit into the world of NICU’s tubes, bleeps and alarms. Birth stories may well be another post! We read lots of books, from ‘Supernanny‘ to Liedloff and have tentatively found ourselves flowing down a path towards conscious, attachment parenting... we value unconditional love, trust, time, freedom. At natural junctions in parenting and family life, we have made many positive decisions, mistakes, regressions and leaps into the unknown. R’s arrival in March has also helped to open our eyes, and inspired a greater trust in ourselves. Now we find ourselves at a new fork in the river. The decision to be made this time? Schooling. We are instinctively drawn towards the free-flowing, beautiful, somewhat intimidating stream that is home education. What will it mean for our children? What will it mean for our family?

For me, this blog is a way of documenting and reflecting on our journey as we take the lesser known pathway. It was my lovely husband’s idea (How will I find the time? Plus, we don’t even have broadband at home!) but after some consideration I think that it will be good for us to map our thoughts and I can add to a post bit by bit.

Autumn mmm...

2011-10-21T09:42:00.000+01:00

This week I feel like autumn has arrived. Last weekend gave us hot weather; this weekend is deliciously cool in comparison. I love that feeling when you step outside and literally drink the cool air. We're not quite there yet but still, walking out the door is refreshing and revitalising. It's telling me to prepare for winter.

The sunscreen, sunglasses, sunhats and anything else prefixed with sun has been hidden away (except for our suncatchers) and replaced with gloves, hats and scarves. We also have to say goodbye to the actual sun, as we watch her creep out of bed later each morning to peer shyly through the morning mist before slinking across the sky to search for warmer climates far south of here.

Transition is always exciting, as it promises new and exciting adventures. Autumn and winter bring thoughts of jumping into piles of crunchy leaves, the cosy warmth of a roaring fire inside, Halloween, snow, smashing through icy puddles, new stories and songs, Hugo and Charlie's birthday, Yule and Christmas, yummy food....

Also, I get a nostalgic thrill out of leaving for work in the dark, fixed to a surprisingly complete childhood memory of trying to force down Weetabix whilst watching the stars disappear one-by-one before we left for a family holiday.

Overall, autumn is a time where we begin to close in upon ourselves to sit-it-out through winter. The house is slowly being tidied and decorated with berries and leaves in anticipation of many hours spent inside. Wood is being stocked for the woodburner. But one thing is leaving me a little agitated. If summer is all about spending time with friends, then winter is all about spending time with family. This comes at a time in our lives where we are thinking about schooling, or not schooling. And, of course, the purported advantage of school is the friends. So, if we find this winter difficult, does that mean we abandon the idea of not schooling? I certainly hope that doesn't happen.

So, the excitement of autumn contains both anticipation and anxiety, as all transitions should.

Rupert

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On the day he was born, Rupert was called an 'observer'. He seemed content with just relaxing and watching the world unfold around him. Before Hugo and Charlie could walk, they used to love jumping up and down while I (or mummy) supported them. They used to do it until my arms felt like they would drop off! Rupert prefers to watch me jump up and down! At every jump I get a little giggle. There is something just so wonderful about being able to make a baby giggle!

Now, however, Rupert is quickly becoming the boss of the family. He appears to be in complete control of his world. If he wants something, he will reach for it until it comes, and if it doesn't he will shout for it! He is adored by his brothers, but if they start to get on his nerves he will certainly tell them so (in his own language of course). But, just like his elder brothers, he is always happiest outside, and whenever he seems frustrated he can be quickly quelled with a walk around the garden where there is plenty to see, especially if he gets to watch the chickens!

The other reason he is happiest outside is because he is a charmer! He is invariably in the sling with mummy and adores the attention he gets at eye level. I will often look over and see some stranger laughing and smiling away because Rupert is giving them one of his huge toothless smiles.

Other things Rupert loves includes playing with food (he's not really eating much yet), having a bath (he almost flies out of mummy's hands whenever he see's Hugo and Charlie in the bath!) and, to blow my own trumpet, me! Every time I walk in the room, he gives me one of his huge smiles. Rupert is only seven months old and I am still getting to know him properly, but I'm loving every moment of doing so.

Charlie

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Charlie has the sweetest and most genuine smile I have ever seen.

And that's because he is the sweetest, most genuine person I have ever met.

When he finds something funny, he has the ability to make the whole family laugh. If he is asked to do something, the answer is either 'of course' or 'no thank you mummy', each said in the same positive tone.

If Hugo is the scientist, then Charlie must be the artist. He loves drawing, painting and sculpting (well, Play-Doh), and could do this all day long. And that is because it is about the process. He just loves seeing the effects of colour on paper, or the cumulation of holes in a cardboard box, and isn't particularly bothered about the end result.

He loves wheels too. Always has done. Cars, tractors, motorbikes, wheelbarrows, lawnmowers, sit on toys, any toys with wheels. The other day he watched me get on the bus. I waved to him and instead of waving back to me, he waved to the wheels on the bus. If ever we can't find Charlie, we know he has sneaked outside to (pretend) drive the car.

Charlie could also be described as introverted. When he plays with toys, he prefers to do so in the company of others, but not necessary including them. This also makes him a little stubborn. If Charlie doesn't want to do something, then he will often not do it, and that's that.

The thing that you will first notice when you meet Charlie is his warmth. Not least, towards his baby brother. If Charlie and Rupert are together, you can always guarantee Charlie has a huge grin on his face. And this is true, unconditional love. If Rupert ever pulls Charlie's hair or scratches his face (as babies do), Charlie's response is always 'He's only a baby'. I think we could all benefit from that sort of attitude sometimes!

I can always rely on Charlie to brighten up my day, and I always look forward to seeing that smile!

Hugo

2011-10-21T09:32:00.000+01:00

It is impossible to summarise a person's entire character in a few paragraphs. But still, I'll attempt to give you an idea of the people who are the subject of this blog. Feel free to form your own ideas about me!

Hugo is fantastic. I just love to be around him.

He loves to understand the limitations of things. How fast can he run. How tall can you grow. If you tell him that something will break when he throws it, then he throws it to see if this is true. How loud can he play this instrument, and how quiet. If this cardboard box can sustain his weight, and what happens if he jumps up and down on top of it. The highest thing that he can climb, and the highest thing that he can jump down from.

I often tell him that he is like a goat. He just loves climbing.
He hates to be told he is a 'little man'. Sometimes people say things like 'sorry little man' when they accidentally bump into him. He gets visibly upset, and fair enough really. I never say 'sorry old woman' or 'sorry fat man' when I bump into people. He also hates to be tired, and will rarely admit it. He will happily come to bed because it is time to sleep, but not because he needs sleep.

He is also very bright. He loves to understand things in great detail and quickly exhausts anybodies knowledge with questions. We often begin with questions like 'how do the wheels go around on a car' and end up with 'what is energy' or 'how does gravity pull things'. I didn't think of these questions until after my physics degree!

Perhaps this is why he loves to try new things. New food, new places, new people. He is confident socially and confident in his abilities. He is everything that I wish I could have been when I was a child. Perhaps, with his help, I can still be those things.

And his hugs... they make me feel so deeply connected to him and completely, completely loved. I only hope that I can show the same feelings back to him.